Almost forgot
By lex, on February 14th, 2006
Happy Valentine’s day to all out there who are happy with where they’re at, romantically. For those who aren’t, my sincere hopes that the coming year will bring you everything you desire.
Was walking out of the flower shop yesterday, carrying a dozen red roses in the vase for my girlfriend and a couple of heart-shaped boxes of chocolates for the girls when a lady of a certain age (read: older than me) saw the flowers and said to me, “Oh, you are so in.”
Which maybe it’s a California thing and I haven’t been here long enough, because rather uncharacteristically I had no ready reply.
Ladies are far better at leaving me speechless than any man I ever met: I can distinctly recollect a conversation over coffee I had with a lady at our last church, a tall and striking 80-year old woman who had clearly been a head-turner in her day and had never gotten out of the habit of thinking of herself in that way. She was a true southern gentlewoman of high degree, gracious manner, lyrical voice, syrupy accent and impeccable tastes, but what she said that day, quite from out of the blue was something along these lines, “My deah late husband was a Brazillian gentleman, which Ah’ve always said made me Brazillian bah injection.”
The next sound heard was that of my jaw hitting the floor.
Despite every indication to the contrary, every generation thinks that it invented both sex and humor, and each one is routinely surprised to find that this is not in fact so.
I was just thinking today how lucky I am: Used to date a gal way back in the way-back-when who was almost entirely the whole package: Smart as a whip, exceptionally easy on the eyes, althletic, eloquent, driven and, ah… energetic. Yeah. That’s the word. Energetic.
Only one problem, really: She was also crazy as a sh*thouse rat.
Oh, I don’t mean, “crazy” in the way people you know might say it approvingly: “Man, your girlfriend is crazy!” I mean the other kind of crazy. The kind you with sleep with one eye open around, because otherwise you’re not quite sure how it might work out. The kind of crazy given to wild-eyed statements of patent impossibilities in front of people you’d like or need to make a favorable impression upon. People like the ‘rents, who’d maybe lend you the car for an evening, if they could only be persuaded that your girlfriend wasn’t certifiably crazy. Sudden, vast, towering rages. Violence and petty theft.
The kind of crazy that they put people away for, eventually.
Hard to break up with her though, because everything else was sooooo… Perfect.
Don’t know what put me in mind of her * .
Good thing though, that I put it all behind me. Otherwise would never have met the Hobbit.
* 07-13-2018 Link Gone; no replacements found – Ed.